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1. I see those guys at the beach, gym, mall wearing tapout/sprawl/koral gear or dojo/dojang clothing.

If you only wear your training clothes only inside the gym give yourself 0 points.

If you wear that crap running some errands after the gym give yourself 5 points

If you wear that crap everywhere you go, (clubs included – you douche) give yourself 10 points

If you wear that stuff and you don’t train anywhere give yourself 20 points.

*Note I sometimes wear my hapkido shirt outside to run errands – I wear it to advertise and get more people into the gym!

2. Some douches practice that stuff with their friends when they are totally not qualified (IE just starting, or a low colored belt). One day someone is going to get hurt if you’re not aware of the risks involved.

If you teach that stuff inside the gym and you are qualified give yourself 0 points

If you teach that stuff outside the gym and you’re qualified give yourself 5 points

If you go around teaching techniques outsideside the gym and you’re not qualified but had some training give yourself 10 points

If you saw something on youtube or the UFC and never really trained before give yourself 20 points

3. Some people enjoy the attention of being trained to fight. I especially notice this when i’m at the Bar and everyone says they are trained in something and how they are so good.

If you train and nobody outside the dojang, dojo know you train give yourself 0 points

If you are a train and only some of your friends know (and obviously the dojo/dojang) give yourself 5 points

If you’re train and everybody knows you train give yourself 10 points

If you’re a blackbelt and you introduce yourself with a black belt give yourself 15

If you don’t train and you tell everyone you do give yourself 20 points

4. Tron Funking Blow~~~

If you never fight or only fight when your occupation permits you to give yourself 0 points

If you only fight when completely provoked give yourself 5 points

If you fight when drunk give youself 10 points

If you fight when sober just cause you can give yourself 20

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If you have 0-19 points, don’t worry man on a scale of doucheness you are just as douchy as a buddhist monk. Your celebrity douche bag rank is ” GSP ” – this guy is awesome.

If you have 20-39 points, you’re alright man, I will go out for beers with you Your Celebrity douche bag rank is ” Me ” – if you’re here, you probably know me, and I am at 20 points-ish

If you have 40-60 points, it’s cutting close, I dunno about beers, maybe the guys won’t beat you up too badly at our Gym. Your celebrity douche bag rank is “Jeremy Piven” -i Hate that guy!

If 60+ Fuck Man, You better leave your door open cause i’m coming to get you. Your celebrity douche bag rank is “Phillip Seymour Hoffman” – I don’t think he’s ever played a non douche role in his life

admin Uncategorized Alf, douche, Hapkido, idiot, Test!

Today I watched a guy running on a tread mill while talking on his cell phone.  I don’t know about you, but I think he’s doing something wrong.  However, it could just be me.  Anyways, inspired by said douche bag here’s a test to see if your a gym douche bag.

A) Everybody brings water to work out (If you don’t you really should).

If you water container is 1 liter give yourself a point.

If your water container is 4 liter give yourself 5 points.

If you bring one of those 16 liter bottles give yourself 10 points.

B) Bringing a cell phone to a gym is probably a bad idea, basically it can get stole, crushed or lost. But in this technology driven age it’s hard for some people not to bring them. Totally understandable. Hell, I use my cell phone to tell time because watches are so 90s. Anyways:

If your texting at a rate of 1 time per set give yourself a point.

If your texting at a rate of 10 times per set give yourself 5 points.

If your talking on your phone AND texting while running, lifting weights, etc… give yourself 10 points.

C) Wearing proper shoes is important when you work out. You need proper traction and foot support especially when your lifting weights, moving with heavy weights or running on a trend mill. Also, you’ll have some protection if the unthinkable happens and a weight is dropped on your foot.

If you wear proper running shoes that are well fitting and comfortable give yourself a point.

If your wearing flip flop, sandals, or anything that is beach wear give yourself 5 points.

If your not wearing shoes at all, and going barefoot, give yourself 10 points.

D)People sweat. It’s a totally common and natural occurrence. However, some people sweat more then others and also some people have more body hair then others. Nothing to be ashamed of or worried about, however being courteous is important too. Wiping the machine down after you use is not only a nice thing to do but it is expected. Also, if your using weights putting them away is important. Leaving them around increases the chances people might get hurt by tripping on them or hurting themselves trying to move things around.

If you wipe down the machines after use and always remember to put the weights back (i.e. being courteous) give yourself a point.

If you forget to wipe down the machines after you use it and leave your weights on the floor after using them give yourself 5 points.

If you take off your shirt while your sweating like a pig and starting using the machines and then choose not to wipe the machine even after all of this, give yourself 10 points.

E) Taking breaks in between sets is important especially if your going for muscle mass and strength. Your obviously working as hard as possible pushing your body to the limit and therefore you need time to rest and recover, and also for you to catch your breath. But remember there’s also the idea of being courteous. Unless the gym is yours, people are probably waiting to use the machines your on. Never rush to finish a set, however just be aware that people are waiting.

If you take 30-120 seconds between sets give yourself a point.

If you take 5-10 minutes between sets give yourself a point.

If you leave the gym after a set, come back and demand your machine back even though you were gone for at least 20 minutes give yourself 20 points.

So, after you total all your points you should find yourself in 3 categories:

5-15 points: Congrats! Your the furthest thing from a gym douche bag. You just go in looking to get some exercise and every gym would love to have you. Other people don’t cringe when they see you coming in and they wouldn’t mind asking for your help. Did I mention your insanely handsome (if your a guy) or very pretty (if your a girl) Your a testament to our society.

16-25 points: Try harder! It’s okay, not all of us our perfect. Just remember that in the real world you don’t always get what you want, and mommy and daddy aren’t there to hold your hand all the time. And don’t worry, we’re all judging you.

26-50: Ouch! You are a douche bag! Sorry. People in your gym are hoping you hurt yourself so you never come within 10 feet of their space. You should really ask yourself why your even there? Clearly it’s not to use the gym. Sorry, there’s no cure for stupid.

Alf Uncategorized Test!