Are You a Martial Arts Douche?! Take this test to find out.
1. I see those guys at the beach, gym, mall wearing tapout/sprawl/koral gear or dojo/dojang clothing.
If you only wear your training clothes only inside the gym give yourself 0 points.
If you wear that crap running some errands after the gym give yourself 5 points
If you wear that crap everywhere you go, (clubs included – you douche) give yourself 10 points
If you wear that stuff and you don’t train anywhere give yourself 20 points.
*Note I sometimes wear my hapkido shirt outside to run errands – I wear it to advertise and get more people into the gym!
2. Some douches practice that stuff with their friends when they are totally not qualified (IE just starting, or a low colored belt). One day someone is going to get hurt if you’re not aware of the risks involved.
If you teach that stuff inside the gym and you are qualified give yourself 0 points
If you teach that stuff outside the gym and you’re qualified give yourself 5 points
If you go around teaching techniques outsideside the gym and you’re not qualified but had some training give yourself 10 points
If you saw something on youtube or the UFC and never really trained before give yourself 20 points
3. Some people enjoy the attention of being trained to fight. I especially notice this when i’m at the Bar and everyone says they are trained in something and how they are so good.
If you train and nobody outside the dojang, dojo know you train give yourself 0 points
If you are a train and only some of your friends know (and obviously the dojo/dojang) give yourself 5 points
If you’re train and everybody knows you train give yourself 10 points
If you’re a blackbelt and you introduce yourself with a black belt give yourself 15
If you don’t train and you tell everyone you do give yourself 20 points
4. Tron Funking Blow~~~
If you never fight or only fight when your occupation permits you to give yourself 0 points
If you only fight when completely provoked give yourself 5 points
If you fight when drunk give youself 10 points
If you fight when sober just cause you can give yourself 20
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If you have 0-19 points, don’t worry man on a scale of doucheness you are just as douchy as a buddhist monk. Your celebrity douche bag rank is ” GSP ” – this guy is awesome.
If you have 20-39 points, you’re alright man, I will go out for beers with you Your Celebrity douche bag rank is ” Me ” – if you’re here, you probably know me, and I am at 20 points-ish
If you have 40-60 points, it’s cutting close, I dunno about beers, maybe the guys won’t beat you up too badly at our Gym. Your celebrity douche bag rank is “Jeremy Piven” -i Hate that guy!
If 60+ Fuck Man, You better leave your door open cause i’m coming to get you. Your celebrity douche bag rank is “Phillip Seymour Hoffman” – I don’t think he’s ever played a non douche role in his life