You following me camera guy?
OK a couple days ago, a friend and I were talking about the ShamWow guy and how amazing his commercials are. Upon further research on the guy, I stumbled across this beautiful gem. If you’re too lazy to read it, here’s a summation of the article: ShamWow guy gets arrested for allegedly punching out a hooker, after she allegedly bites his tongue and does not let go.
This got me thinking, what can i do to defend myself against prostitutes who bites me in the tongue and does not let go. Let’s go through the availible options (or the first things that come into my head)
1. Talk your way out: Obviously telling her you have aids or some other form of std to get her to buck off you will NOT work. She’s got your tongue!
2. Run away: Nope no cigar. The simple rule, where ever your head goes your body will follow, applies here. Your heads not going anywhere.
3. Crotch kick: No crotch to kick. Boo hoo, and if she does, I may have picked the wrong hooker
4. Strike to the neck: Might be overkill. But striking the neck might actually work.
5. Repeated Punches to the head: Have you ever been punched in the head? Everytime i get knocked in the jaw or in the eye i tend to close my mouth and tighten my jaw; but who knows, it worked for the ShamWow guy.
6. Body shots: This might be the most effective way of ending the situation. You’re using a reasonable amount of force and it doesn’t look too bad in front of a judge. Good places to strike are the armpit, solar plexus, and ribs.
7. The Choke: She’s got your tongue, so put her to sleep. She can’t bite you when she’s sleeping or gasping for air.
8. Poking the eyes: Classic WWF (now the WWE) eye rakes and eye pokes might just be enough to get their cannibalistic urges of of their system.
So with these options in mind what would i do?
Here’s how i would play it out:
I would go for repeated body shots and if it proved ineffective, I would then go for some sort of choke hold and just put her to bed. In the event she’s got an iron neck and is really resisting the choke, I think it warrants the use of an eye poke followed up by a hit to the neck. Hopefully one of those will get her off me.