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OK a couple days ago, a friend and I were talking about the ShamWow guy and how amazing his commercials are. Upon further research on the guy, I stumbled across this beautiful gem. If you’re too lazy to read it, here’s a summation of the article: ShamWow guy gets arrested for allegedly punching out a hooker, after she allegedly bites his tongue and does not let go.

This got me thinking, what can i do to defend myself against prostitutes who bites me in the tongue and does not let go. Let’s go through the availible options (or the first things that come into my head)

1. Talk your way out: Obviously telling her you have aids or some other form of std to get her to buck off you will NOT work. She’s got your tongue!

2. Run away: Nope no cigar. The simple rule, where ever your head goes your body will follow, applies here. Your heads not going anywhere.

3. Crotch kick: No crotch to kick. Boo hoo, and if she does, I may have picked the wrong hooker

4. Strike to the neck: Might be overkill. But striking the neck might actually work.

5. Repeated Punches to the head: Have you ever been punched in the head? Everytime i get knocked in the jaw or in the eye i tend to close my mouth and tighten my jaw; but who knows, it worked for the ShamWow guy.

6. Body shots: This might be the most effective way of ending the situation. You’re using a reasonable amount of force and it doesn’t look too bad in front of a judge. Good places to strike are the armpit, solar plexus, and ribs.

7. The Choke: She’s got your tongue, so put her to sleep. She can’t bite you when she’s sleeping or gasping for air.

8. Poking the eyes: Classic WWF (now the WWE) eye rakes and eye pokes might just be enough to get their cannibalistic urges of of their system.

So with these options in mind what would i do?

Here’s how i would play it out:

I would go for repeated body shots and if it proved ineffective, I would then go for some sort of choke hold and just put her to bed. In the event she’s got an iron neck and is really resisting the choke, I think it warrants the use of an eye poke followed up by a hit to the neck. Hopefully one of those will get her off me.

admin Self Defense Funny Yet True., Hapkido, Self Defense, shamwow

Dear Valued readers (all 6 of you)

Please welcome Alf to the team. He will be writing about MMA fights and fighters. And if he wants, he can write about anything he wants. He’s better than you. He’s got an account here!

admin Uncategorized Alf, MMA

What could be worst than getting in a fight (which obviously isn’t your fault *duh*) and flinching right when a punch comes…. and of course, getting hit. Well unfortenately it happens to everyone starting out. So some of the drills i like to do to help you get used to being hit include the following:

1. Stand with your back against a wall. Have a partner throw punches at you. As the guy who is defending, practice your blocks and parrys as well as your footwork (as in moving towards them). Eventually one or two or many of the attackers punches will hit you. Keep going and stop wiping those tears off your eyes.

2. Spar a bit. Nothing gets you used to getting your face punched in than to spar. I do it about once or twice a week.

3. This one sounds stupid but i swear it works as a warm up. I sometimes just stand there and let a partner punch me in the head a couple times (not too hard… but varying degrees of pain). I don’t do this one too often anymore.

admin Uncategorized Drills, Excercise, Face, Push-ups, Working out

Wow, first of all, I failed at the demo. I completely froze up and just started reacting to whatever attacks people came at me with. So in a way, the defense were all improv. So, next point is, how do we practice improvising and random attacks.

1. Defense Circle: Stand in the middle, have a group of guys grab, punch, kick, or attack one at a time. Start off slow and just slowly rev up the speed. Everytime i’m in the circle, I like to practice just one or two techniques and apply them to all the possible attacks that are coming my way. This drill also teaches you to keep your head on a swivel just incase you get too concentrated on one guy.

2. The Guantlet: Have two lines of guys facing each other. Designate one or two guys to attack the defender (make sure the defender doesn’t know who they are). Have the defender walk through the gauntlet and attack him.

3. Technique reps: Practice a technique enough times and eventually it’ll be stuck in your mind and you’ll just react and perform the technique.

Enjoy!

admin Uncategorized

Run away. Duh.

admin Uncategorized